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Literature. by Concrete-Love

II-High by AyeAye12

Writing by AndreaHarper


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Submitted on
August 19, 2009
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2,309
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Let me never say
"I am nothing without you,"
for that would make me nothing altogether,
a hollow creature-
and such a thing can only be a parasite.

Let me never say
"I need you,"
for that is not love.
No man has ever loved opium or heroin,
he despises them even as he craves them.
So I would think of you.

Let me never with shaky countenance and weak bended knee
beg you for anything-
O, let me never grovel!
Let these lips never whisper
"I am not worthy,"
for in saying those words I would make them true.
I just wrote this like 10 minutes ago, so it may need revision. I'll see later. I think it's solid enough.

Title is subject to change, I don't like it that much :/ I'll see though. A lot of things I write and don't like grow on me later for some reason.

:iconthewrittenrevolution:

Could you relate to this? This one seems to get a lot of attention and I can't quite figure out why. I don't think it's my absolute best but it gets noticed more than the others and I think it has to do with the subject matter.
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:iconhopeburnsblue:
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
What interesting points you make here, and how well conveyed! :D
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:iconlittlelines:
littlelines Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2014  New member Professional Photographer
"...and such a thing can only be a parasite."

You have some really lovely lines, here.  Great job.
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yes! I wrote a poem in my teens along this same vein, only from a woman's perspective and without any sort of elegance. :lol: I get it, and I love it. Well done. :D
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:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014
The only poem in my Favourites collection that I get desperate about when I can't find it because I'm too afraid you either stored it or left deviantART. Which you must never do. I could read this a hundred times a day. :heart:
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:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013
You should make this share-able on Facebook so I can have everyone know how much I still adore this poem.
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:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Brilliant.
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:iconlandoriginal:
LandOriginaL Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I share the feeling of this piece. Good work!
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:iconopenhandedsmiles:
openhandedsmiles Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2010   Writer
I don't think I've ever seen your work before, but I really like this for the form, the repetition, and the overall theme. There are few who have this take on love, and it's refreshing and insightful. :)

:iconthewrittenrevolution:
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:iconcraazhy:
Craazhy Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010  Professional Writer
I'm essentially just wondering why these are feelings you resist, though I won't assume a reason.

Because a lot of the things you described are things that I get satisfaction from doing. I like being a head over heels puppy to my partners, boy or girl.

But, one thing I can solidly push towards you is that this is a great piece of refined thought and emotion. It's honest and for the author as much as it is for the audience, work that is only for the audience quickly loses its right to be called art, in my humble opinion. This is not one of those instances.

Another plus is that it invokes a very precise feeling, rather than a blanket feeling, which takes more substantial thought from both ends.

Towards technique, it is very clean and eloquent, or not too long to be drawn out, but not too short to be vague. Bravo!
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:iconcraazhy:
Craazhy Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010  Professional Writer
Excuse me: elegant*

Not eloquent.
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:iconbibliolepticattack:
BibliolepticAttack Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
I like the message. The style isn't for me, though. Not that it's bad... it's just not my thing. Thanks for sharing. :)
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Thanks for the read anyway. I can understand that. What IS your style?
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:iconbibliolepticattack:
BibliolepticAttack Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Not really sure. I'll get back to you on that. :)
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:iconveanar:
Veanar Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Very true!
Nicely written. :)
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Thanks!
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:iconrabadenzo:
Rabadenzo Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This poem get's a lot of attention because people can relate to this, I don't know if the same goes for your other poems so I'll take a look into your gallery.

Ah, you confront people with the fact that most clichés are terribly wrong, and that it's impossible to describe love in a few words.
I like this :)
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Thanks!

And if you want to check the relatability of the rest of my gallery, I'd look into the slightly older stuff... Myopic on back. My last 4 or so are gimmicks or experiments that I'm using to hone my writing abilities.
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:iconrabadenzo:
Rabadenzo Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Experiments are fine, they are a part of the process of creating your own style. Do I smell a trace of inspiration by the lore of the days of yore in your poetry and prose?
So far as my poetry goes, I can't match anything close to yours, so if you have time to give me some constructive critique or advice (or maybe both) than I would be more than delighted to recieve it.

You're good.
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2010
I'm ALL about the days of yore, ha. At least in my writing.

And yeah, I'll definitely check out your work. Don't let me forget.
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:iconrabadenzo:
Rabadenzo Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Modern authors sure are boring. Especially the dutch authors I am forced to read by school, they write too sane, too simple, it's not really tastefull or anything, like dry bread.
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:iconmychem-totheend:
mychem-totheend Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2010
i really like this...so true actually ^_^
ah i am guilty of this x_x
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Thank you!

And I've been guilty of this myself. I wrote this precisely because I used to be this way and therefore have something to say about it.
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:iconmychem-totheend:
mychem-totheend Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
it's a hard thing not to do, for some reason O.O
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
That's because it's part of personality, ha. I got a lot more confident in myself and realized that people who treat their significant others as equals instead of love-deities have healthier relationships, ha.
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:iconmychem-totheend:
mychem-totheend Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2010
Hehe ^_^ yeah very true.
mutual respect is much better than one-sided worship
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:iconmajestyapollo:
MajestyApollo Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Very relatable subject matter! I would definitely attribute this to what makes it so popular!
That and the way that it's beautifully written. I adore it, thank you for writing!
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Thank you!
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:iconmajestyapollo:
MajestyApollo Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:iconthewrittenrevolution:
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:icontwilight16master:
Twilight16Master Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
i love it myself, though i take the reason for that in a way that i am guessing isn't what you intended?

it feels to me like these are words that should be spoken to religious folks. those who feel that the best way to pray to their god or gods is to lay themselves down as wortheless servants, doing the bidding as if to pay for some awfull blunder they made.

no, true Faith and Spirituality is about Love, and Confidence, and feeling as though your God or Gods are parents to you; loving, caring parents.

i will be honest and tell you that whatever it was meant to mean, i love it for the reason i just stated. eve if that has nothing to do with what you are writing about.
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Glad you liked it! And that's an interesting reading of it. However, if you don't mind, I have some comments on it.

Being a religious person myself, I agree with you on some points but not others. I definitely agree that faith is about love, and that God should be seen as a caring parent. Those who paint God as having a sense of cold justice and a trigger finger itching to smite anyone who crosses Him the wrong way are doing a world of hurt for how people percieve spirituality from the outside. God may be harsh at times, but He's benevolent, and in some way literally IS love.

However, at least how I intended it, this poem in particular doesn't apply to spirituality, as the title clearly states- "Be Not My Goddess." It's written to a lover, expressing that worshipping her as a deity would be counterproductive to loving her. I say this because I believe that considering something infinitely higher than oneself is an attitude reserved only for God, though it's often applied to relationships, almost never with a good outcome.

I have mixed feelings about "laying themselves down as worthless servants." On the one hand, I'd say we're all worthless RELATIVELY- that is, a being like God would have to be so much greater than us that we can't even hope to compare to that. However, like you said, confidence is needed along with that humbling knowledge. God, being a benevolent deity, sees us (relatively worthless beings) as worth something, and that counts for a lot. This poem has a tone of striking a deal between equals, which, applied to almost all religions, would be laughable at best and blasphemous at worst.

But, of course, I'm just speaking from my worldview. If you read that into the poem, you can, but that wasn't what was intended. Wow, this turned into a long rant, ha. Thanks again for your comment!
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:icontwilight16master:
Twilight16Master Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
no problem, i love to realy discuss things in depth. :) and yes, i knew that it wasn't to do with what i saw it as.

anywho, i would like to say that you have illustrated my point just now about religion getting in the way of true Spirituality. no one should ever think that they are wortheless even in COMPARISON to their god! even a god/worshipper reltionship should be one of equality. your god needs you as a worshipper in teh relationship just as much as you need your god as a divine parent-figure in it. very much so, the love between a person and their god is a truely simbiotic one.
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
See, that's where you lose me on it. I'm ALL about spirituality as a relationship with God rather than a religious dogma. But, at least coming from an Abrahamic point of view, how can you even PRETEND equality with a being that transcends time, knows everything that has, is, and will happen, is omnipotent, and omnibenevolent? That would be arrogance on an unbelievable level. The relationship IS a symbiotic one- God does not cheat his followers. But that's a relationship that requires a good deal of humility. An omnipotent being doesn't NEED anything from an imperfect human. But that being is also the very definition of good, and CHOOSES to be there for His creations as they are because He understands their nature even better than they understand themselves.

Hinduism, however, teaches that all gods but Brahma are more or less equal with humans. But that's because these gods are portrayed as humanlike, not because humans are godlike.
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:icontwilight16master:
Twilight16Master Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
....

"how can you even PRETEND equality with a being that transcends time, knows everything that has, is, and will happen, is omnipotent, and omnibenevolent? That would be arrogance on an unbelievable level."

XD and it isn't arrogant to claim omnipotence, omniscience, omnipresence and omnibenevolence, and punish anyone who doesn't believe you?

first of all, i don't find your god to be omnibenevolent. he claims that because he claims to be the sole definition of Good. a concept that does NOT exist as an objective universal truth. why does YOUR god get to decide what's good and evil, and no one else's gods do?

furthemore, what is wrong with believing that the Gods are humanlike? it is the same as saying that humans are Godlike. the point is, humans and Gods are equal, the same, as are ANY beings!
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2010
I think you're completely misunderstanding me. I was speaking hypothetically- hence the "At least coming from an Abrahamic point of view..." I'm a Christian, but I understand that you aren't, so I clarified that I'm speaking from my personal beliefs. What I'm saying is that the idea that we should see ourselves as equal to our gods depends on what belief system you're talking about. It fits with some beliefs but not others. I wasn't saying ANYTHING was wrong with Hinduism, and if you reread my post you'll see that. I was just giving an example of a religion in which humans are equal to gods.

Also, I have to ask- are you a Philip Pullman fan? Your post seems to echo His Dark Materials on a lot of levels, especially accusing God of CLAIMING to be omnipotent, etc. Like I said, I'm speaking from the point of view that he actually IS those things. Saying that God exists but is a liar is an entirely different argument.

I meant to touch on this in my last post- good CAN exist as an objective universal truth if God is, in fact, real and who He claims to be. If He doesn't exist or is a liar, you're right, good and evil cannot be absolutes. But I find it interesting that, though God could claim to be the embodiment of Good and make Good whatever He wishes, in which case we wouldn't see it as good, most of his attributes fit pretty well into the general human idea of "good."

Lastly, you're getting awfully condescending. Your "XD" bothers me, as though you find my arguments amusing, never minding that I'm repeatedly saying that my arguments are subjective while you flout your own equally subjective beliefs as undeniable truth that you can't believe I don't agree with. You seem to think I'm brainwashed becaused my ideas are closer to orthodoxy than yours. I can assure you that I HAVE, in fact, questioned my beliefs, am not giving you canned answers,and know what I'm talking about. Were I brainwashed we wouldn't be having a semi-intelligent discussion right now; I would have said "You don't believe in God because you're BLIND and you'd better CHANGE that before you go to HELL," and refused to discuss the matter further. Give me more credit than that.
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:icontwilight16master:
Twilight16Master Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
hehehe/ XD well, first i will say that, yes, i DO find it amusing. :) i find EVERYTHING amusing, it's part of my Philosophy. ^_^ why live life not laughing at everything?

second, i have never heard of phillip pullman, but i am very interested in looking him up. :) thank you for mentioning him.

third, i do think you are brainwashed, but i don't think that my beliefs are cold hard undeniable truth. in my experience, in fact in my entire Philosophy, nobody can be certain of ANYthing... all beliefs are in question, even the concepts of logic and sense and reason are in question. everything you think you know for sur could be completely wrong.

i don't mean to condescend, i appologize. heh... i just mean to discuss and share my opinion and hear yours. i do love these discussions. i am having alot of fun with it. in fact, i even sent th eurl to that page to my girlfriend so that her and i can have a discussion ABOUT this discussion! XD

a guess my point is, i just don't believe in objectivity anyway. it is a concept that i simply don't believe in.
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2010
Ha, fair enough.

Phillip Pullman is a fantasy author. He's famous for the series His Dark Materials, in which Yahweh (the Judeo-Christian God) is an angelic being that used his power to take over the universe. In a lot of ways it's like an anti-religious version of Narnia, complete with talking animals and children as protagonists. You may or may not like it. It strikes me as propaganda in some ways, but if you really look at it you could probably say the same for some of the books in the Narnia series.

You never explained WHY you think I'm brainwashed... that's a pretty serious accusation to make without a good reason. If it's because I subscribe to a particular belief system, that would be a really ignorant thing to say. If it's because of what you said about not being able to be completely sure of anything, I agree with you. There are a lot of things people are sure ENOUGH about that they're willing to take a gamble on the fact that they're right, but anyone who's done any serious thinking at all is more than familiar with the concept that they can be wrong. There's no reason to think deeply in the first place if you don't think you can be wrong. Like I said, give me more credit than that.

Apology accepted. And, about your beliefs on objectivity... here's my thoughts on the subject. I'm curious what you think. Objective reality and truth DO exist, but people can never be sure how close what their senses call "reality" is to the actual reality. That is, reality is objective, but the human brain is not and cannot be, because everything we know is based on subjective experience.
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(1 Reply)
:icondarkgern:
DarkGern Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010
:iconthewrittenrevolution:

What I like about this poem is that it skewers the typical "you are my life" archetype that so much romantic poetry follows.

I can definately relate, because I see people caught in that trap, occasionally, and it never fails to turn my stomach.

The title is exactly on message. I think it draws attention because it says exactly the opposite of what the other titles on the page are saying.
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Thank you! I never thought of this as iconoclastic or anything, ha. I thought most people had outgrown this by the time they were out of high school. Maybe not.
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:icondarkgern:
DarkGern Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Maybe we could be spared if it wasn't for popular media...

Anyway, nice work.
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:iconkayin91:
KaYin91 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:iconthewrittenrevolution:

I certainly DO relate to you poem because I frequently think the same of such words (tho i never managed to put them into a poem like you just did = D)

So you can pretty much guess I do like your poem very much, Ill fave it right away!

But i'd like to add i wish you worked more in it's structure BUT i am a structure maniac so maybe it's still very good like that just i'm a structure paranoid hehe (for example get the "quoted phrase" in the second line of each stanza)... BUT writing it in the penultimate one is also rather cool and smart... AAARRGGHHH never mind =S
your poem is good... anyway.. leave it like that if you want to >_<
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Haha, thanks! Yeah, I'm conscious of structure. The change in the last stanza from the first two is intentional.
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:iconcurseudifferentones:
CurseUDifferentOnes Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010
:iconthewrittenrevolution:

The title draws us in, but it's the message that keeps us here. It's honest, valid, and a nice twist. Never once did it feel cynical. You could feel his love for her while he was saying all of this. I think it would be difficult if not impossible for you to write a really bad poem. This is another grteat one. You'll learn to cherish it like the others, trust me.

(Now where's that damn fave button?!)
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010
By "not my best," I just meant not my very best. I think it's one of my BETTER ones, I'm just shocked because it gets disproportionately more attention than my others wherever I put it. It got on the "most popular poems in the last 24 hours" on the day I posted it.

And thanks :D
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:iconcurseudifferentones:
CurseUDifferentOnes Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010
I was just complimenting your skill. I knew what you meant. And it's content is deifinitely the reason people like it so much. It's accessible.
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:iconoldforgegirl:
oldforgegirl Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010
I like it, especially the title. :D
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Thank you!
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:iconoldforgegirl:
oldforgegirl Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2010
No problem >w<
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:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2010
:iconthewrittenrevolution:

It's because it sounds so simple, yet is so true. It may not be your best, but the little you say, it's perfect and so true. :heart: Also the title... :huggle: Amazing work.
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:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
Thanks Ht! :D
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:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
You're so much welcome. :aww:
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